New Breakfast Served on Thursdays

"The Breakfast Table is a (mostly) morning e-mail exchange between football writers and friends Mike Salfino and Scott Pianowski. Always snappy, sometimes snippy but never high in carbs, the BT's main course is an in-depth analysis of the latest NFL developments. But side dishes of music, movies, television and the rest of the cultural zeitgeist are ordered up when the mood strikes. Salfino is stuck somewhere in the swamps of Jersey. Pianowski lives above the desiccated remains of Jimmy Hoffa in Michigan. They've been tabling together since 2002."

Thanksgiving Breakfast with Trimmings

From: Michael Salfino <salfino@comcast.net>
Date: November 20, 2006 11:12:41 AM EST
To: scott pianowski <spianow@gmail.com>
Subject: Thanksgiving Breakfast

From: "scott pianowski" <spianow@gmail.com>
Date: November 20, 2006 9:25:09 PM EST
To: "Michael Salfino" <salfino@comcast.net>
Subject: Fwd: the microwaveable breakfast

Kit's got a female relative who is a dead ringer for Nick Saban (said relative also has just as much, ahem, testosterone), so I'm looking forward to lots of comparing and contrasting Thursday afternoon. I have no idea how far she can throw the challenge flag, but we're about to find out. If Joey Harrington comes back to Detroit and beats the Lions, can we finally see the plug pulled on Matt ("No Experience Required") Millen?

I don't know how sustainable it is but the Chargers are scoring a lot of sevens these days. Their last 16 "scores" (not counting extra points) have been touchdowns, 15 of them on offense. You win with sevens. They're winning without Merriman and Castillo. There's your AFC favorite. And for the last time in public, I mercifully beg for a mulligan on Philip Rivers.

I bet if Mike Shanahan had any prep time at all, Jay Cutler would be starting Thursday night at Arrowhead. Shanny also isn't happy unless he has a new running back at all times (is Nick Bell still in game shape?), so we'll see how that reshuffle goes. If the runners truly are interchangeable parts, doesn't that make a star out of the system? Okay, I respect Shanahan as much as anyone, but his jockeying does seem a little excessive at times.

Maybe coaches can't help but be cute. Eric Mangini onside kicking in a scoreless game? How about the punt in Chicago territory with less than seven minutes left, down two scores? I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree because that's the same type of goofy stuff Bill Belichick likes to do. When it works, you're the genius. When it doesn't, I guess we don't understand.

Lee Evans reminds me so much of Chris Chambers pre-2005, a ridiculous talent who's buried by a crummy QB and a stupid game plan. At least he gives us one "old faithful" quarter per season. The Texans weren't even using their best corner on Evans Sunday, which sounds silly in retrospect. But WR-to-CB matchups have been vastly overrated for a while - they sound good on paper, but teams are playing so much zone these days it's almost a moot point to connect the dots (so I guess I'm killing my own critique). In the old days, you ran past someone and got a big play. Now, you're just as likely to hit a big one because some DB hit a brain cramp.

I'm a big Brees fan but his five bills in many ways were a perfect storm. The Bengals sat in a soft zone for most of the game. The Saints defense, ever accommodating, allowed Cincinnati to score very quickly. Even one of the Brees picks, as you know, went back for six. Brees was unfailingly accurate for most of the day and he also got this done without Marques Colston, but when you throw two interceptions in the end zone and another one goes back for a score, you're going to lose and you should lose. The Saints will especially regret this giveaway when they don't take the division (and they won't).

Rooting for the story made me satisfied to see the Cowboys beat the Colts, though the game itself was a little flat. Tony Romo has impressed me in every one of his starts, no big comment there. It's nice to be done with the undefeated talk with Indy, because there's nothing new or interesting to add on that (enjoy your toast, Miami). Why is Tony Dungy so reluctant to challenge all the time?

I hate to do this to you but you're flying solo on the injuries. Everything I learned about the medical profession I picked up watching Quincy; I'm not sure my swag carries any real value. Now we'll never truly be able to tell if the Eagles were sleeping giants lying in the weeds or true underachievers who got what they deserved. I do feel sorry for McNabb, who's a decent enough chap. No one deserves the crummy luck he's been dealt the last few years.

The Holiday Speed Round: I wasn't old enough for Lenny Moore but I guess LT is the modern-day equivalent. I don't care who you pull for, he's a joy to watch . . . To all the fantasy owners up against LT, here's your two-pronged solution: go with an auction next year, and start more players. Add skill to your league, don't make it a lottery . . . Chad Johnson's "oops, I pulled it again" celebration was his best of the season. Wait a minute, he really did pull the hamstring. Not that it's a surprise to see star receivers run past the Saints, they'll done so all year (Joey Galloway practically drooled in public when the NO secondary was mentioned) . . . I guess Steve McNair was okay yesterday but this Ravens team still screams out "fraud" to me. Can you make a case for them going deep into the playoffs? Can Ben Roethlisberger win in Baltimore this week, or will he be pick-pocketed again? . . . So much for the great Eagles-Colts game for NBC flex. And did you see Denver gets another flex game in Week 13? Will the Broncos ever play during the daytime again? . . . According to an ESPN producer those in-game MNF interviews are meant to *keep* the audience and not *lose* the audience. Okay, gotcha. Wink, wink. How much for one of those radio converters again? (For a guy who clearly seemed to be on something two weeks ago, Christian Slater didn't have anything interesting to say. And to think, I used to like you, Clarence. I thought I always would.)

From: Michael Salfino <salfino@comcast.net>
Date: November 20, 2006 11:52:19 PM EST
To: scott pianowski <spianow@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: the microwaveable breakfast

Well, I hope Kit's relative doesn't read the Breakfast Table because I don't think she'd appreciate looking like an NFL head coach (though Saban is pretty handsome).

Did I say my wife's Aunt Eunice looks like Charlie Weis (the anorexic/fat version, not the fat/fat one)?

Eli Manning is having a rough day. He's had a rough month. The vultures here in the NY-Metro area are snidely questioning now. In about five minutes, they'll go straight into booing and then right into apoplectic screaming and cursing. That's what Ernie Accorsi gets, I guess, for basing his scouting system on eugenics. Before the 2004 draft, the Giants distributed copies of "The Boys From Brazil" to all their scouts. Or maybe it was "Alien Resurrection." (I just wanted Sir Lawrence Olivier to make his second CONSECUTIVE Table appearance.)

Look at that, Eli gets a terrible sack, flip, fumble TD return wiped out by a penalty and then drives down the field and hits Plax (his first, second and third read on every play) for a TD. So, maybe there's hope.

Getting Jay-Z in the booth now, talking about his tour. It's only 13-10 with two winning teams playing for their playoff lives. This on the heels of the Barber Family Album with Ronde Barber in the booth. Of course, you can't tell him or his brother apart during the slide show (I wish I was kidding about the slid show). We're told by whoever is running the show at ESPN that they do this because regular people don't care enough about football to just get the game although they presumably care enough to tune in to begin with. So they have to distract us with Ronde giving us an overview of the Bucs season and Jay-Z talking about the Nets.

If I was in charge of the NFL I would make it clear that no team can be on either national game twice in a three-week period. I'm sick of the Broncos. I've had my fill of Peyton and Eli. But I'm glad that NBC screwed itself by being so obvious in taking the Eagles and Colts. Was Chicago-New England too easy? Heck, Pittsburgh-Baltimore would have been fun. And how about Cowboys-Giants instead of Denver-Seattle, but I think NBC was blocked from picking off another Fox game. There's a real lack of quality games the next few weeks. And, suddenly, it seems, a real lack of quality teams.

Teams that are serious Super Bowl contenders, right now, by my eyes (not necessarily by record) are the Bears and Cowboys in the NFC. The Colts, Chargers and Patriots in the NFC.

I can't take the Giants seriously with Eli struggling and all the injuries. Sorry. Ditto Seattle, until I see Hasselbeck and Alexander close to peak form (never again for Alexander, I'm afraid). I guess the Ravens fans can gripe because they are 8-2 after all. Heck, they're only a game behind the Colts and only have one conference loss (at Denver). But I'll go out on a limb and say the Ravens lose to the Steelers twice and at KC and at Cincy to finish 10-6.

Denver? As you said, you can't take a team seriously when they're rightfully considering benching their QB and putting in a rookie in December. And the defense was a mirage, as we both said all along. Oh, finally, teams I just like watching because they're fun: Bengals, Saints, Chiefs.

So much for Michael Vick and the Falcons. I guess we have to take the Panthers seriously, but I think they're badly overrated and haven't had a really good game all year.

Friggin' Tomlinson. That's his first name for everyone who doesn't own him. And it's easier to spell than "LaDainian." Lenny Moore never rushed for 1,000 yards, if you can believe it. But he had over 900 receiving yards twice. He really is a groundbreaking talent, beating the new rage in the NFL by about 40 years. The Chargers have 42 rushing plays inside the 10 yard line. That's highest. Second is Dallas (41). SD has 18 TDs on these plays. I bet you'd think the Chargers or maybe the Cowboys have the highest run percentage inside the 10, but they don't. That would be my Jets (77 percent runs). Alas, the Jets score on 50 percent of these possessions, the Chargers on 81 percent (best in football).

Okay, I'm rambling. But it's too early for the shortcuts. I mostly watched just the Jets-Bears and Colts-Cowboys. As for the former, the onside kick wasn't smart, but wasn't that big a deal. I think Mangini got caught coaching the game he anticipated versus the one that was actually being played. Worse was not going for the 50-yard-FG down 10 late. But they weren't going to score anyway because the offense is too one dimensional with all the underneath crap. If Pennington can't throw the ball 20 yards downfield, get a new QB. But there's no statistical evidence that he can't. Still, Mangini and Co. do see him practice every day and I don't. Either way, change the playcalling or change the QB.

I'm rooting against the Colts every week until they make Joseph Addai the every-down back. Dungy doesn't want to rock the boat, I guess. And I guess he doesn't want to get all uppity with the challenges. But it's okay to challenge authority, Tony. This isn't Birmingham 1964. Personally, I don't think he should have won that challenge because the Dallas defender was down only in the most hyper-technical, tuck-rule sense of instant replay. I'm sick of the whole replay system, quite frankly. I'm with Madden, if the ball comes out it's a fumble. I don't care if your knee was down .001 seconds before the ball game out. There used to be an art to ripping a ball out of a guy's hands when he was down in a pile. Now, everything is geared to the offense.

I swear I'm not watching one second of Detroit-Miami this week. That's really tough to say with a house full of in-laws. But I mean it. I'm bringing a book or a magazine. It's a silent protest. I'll watch Bucs-Cowboys only because I'm sort of fascinated by Tony Romo. Is he for real or is he just a hot guy who the league hasn't caught on to yet? I'm right down the middle on that at the moment. That's it for me. You close. I'm off to by the cranberry sauce that I like, the one that's all jelly and no berries.

From: "scott pianowski" <spianow@gmail.com>
Date: November 21, 2006 11:15:22 AM EST
To: "Michael Salfino" <salfino@comcast.net>
Subject: Re: the microwaveable breakfast

Saban is handsome in late November and into December when the games don't mean a lot. Prior to that, not so much.

Say this for the Jaguars, they are physical, bordering on violent. Heck, I didn't even watch the entire Monday game (I hope I didn't miss MC Hammer or something), and I was popping Vicodin at the end of the night. Okay, I'm a few days removed from oral surgery, that's not the point. This defense really kicks you in the teeth.

I did notice that the Giants had no trouble keeping Burress away from "shutdown corner" Rashean Mathis - probably because Mathis lines up on the same side of the field every snap. I guess the Giants noticed this in their film study. Ironically, the biggest play that got away from the Giants was a Burress post where he beat Mathis and would have had a long TD if the ball was accurately delivered.

I'm with you on the Addai stuff. While we have to be careful about the siren song of No. 2 backs and how their work can be misleading given the shifting context (the Tatum Bell rules), it is frustrating to watch the teams that insist on playing their least-talented guy. I don't think there's any doubt that Addai can do everything Dominic Rhodes can, only better. And at what point do we say the same thing about Marion Barber (over Julius Jones) and Maurice Jones-Drew (over Fab Five Freddy Taylor)? At least the Patriots can point to Corey Dillon's pass blocking as a reason to keep Laurence Maroney off the field, but that story changes after March 1.

The Steelers are putting the fun in dysfunctional, I'll give you that. Roethlisberger's comeback in Cleveland was straight off the playground, a lot of broken plays, a lot of ad-lib. Maybe you can't make a living like that but it was fun to watch. Cincinnati and New Orleans are also worth the ticket because you have a good chance of seeing decent quarterback play and an organized offense most of the time. I don't have the heart to watch the Rams now that Marc Bulger's line is done for the season. At least we don't have to watch Drew Bledsoe, Mark Brunell and Byron Leftwich anymore (not that David Garrard is reinventing the position; oh wait, he just wins, got it).

I feel like a broken record dissing the Ravens but I don't see how they'll win multiple games in the playoffs with that offense. McNair's receivers are capable enough but did he leave some of his arm in Tennessee? Jamal Lewis might be the third best back on the roster. The line hasn't been anything special for a while. Turnovers and runbacks are a great way to make a living, until the checks stop coming. We're supposed to be neutral observers, but if we're rooting for the story, we're rooting for Pittsburgh to take them down Sunday. Save me a seat, I'm on board.

Unless the Seahawks or Giants heal miraculously, the Bears don't have much to worry about. Dallas is the obvious threat, and Carolina maybe if their two supermen can carry them (DeAngelo Williams gives them something DeShaun Foster never did, but John Fox has to realize it, too). The Saints are a great story but that defense is overmatched in so many areas.

It's going to be a while before we get a good read on Romo because the schedule isn't going to challenge him. The Buccaneers defense has slowed considerably - Parcells should knock the stuffing out of Gruden in two days. The Giants are missing too many people. The Saints couldn't stop you and me. The Falcons have no pass rush and one guy who can cover. Will the Eagles still care come Christmas Day?

All I want for Christmas is a San Diego-Indy matchup somewhere, but it's complicated because the AFC is so deep again. New England travels well, and I'd give Denver a chance against any non-horseshoe team. The Jaguars won't hang around long but they'll at least beat someone up before they leave the party. The Chiefs are intriguing if Trent Green's timing comes back quickly.

I don't want to hammer Mangini because he's done such a good job overall, and in a sense just competing with teams like the Colts and Bears is impressive (not to mention the New England ambush in Week 10). But the onside kick was a definite botch. It's a scoreless game, the Bears have seven friggin' pass yards at halftime, why give away all of that field position for free? I'm all for taking chances when you're up against a superior opponent to a point, and you do play to win the game, but when you're on even footing as the Jets were through 30 minutes, why give away one-third of the field?

I could say more but we're on the microwave schedule. I'll leave the Harrington-Kitna breakdown as an exercise for the reader. Happy Thanksgiving, Jersey.