"The Breakfast Table is a (mostly) morning e-mail exchange between football writers and friends Mike Salfino and Scott Pianowski. Always snappy, sometimes snippy but never high in carbs, the BT's main course is an in-depth analysis of the latest NFL developments. But side dishes of music, movies, television and the rest of the cultural zeitgeist are ordered up when the mood strikes. Salfino is stuck somewhere in the swamps of Jersey. Pianowski lives above the desiccated remains of Jimmy Hoffa in Michigan. They've been tabling together since 2002."

Digesting Week 2

From: Michael Salfino <salfino@comcast.net>
Date: September 18, 2006 11:35:22 AM EDT
To: scott pianowski <spianow@gmail.com>
Subject: Cheez Whiz Breakfast

I wish I was in Philadelphia when they were filing out of the stadium after Plaxico Burress hauled in the OT TD pass to beat the Iggles. I'm guessing that a Parental Advisory was required. The language bluer than the Giants jerseys.

Chicago Bears: Offensive Juggernaut. When did Nebraska enter the NFL? 44 rushes for 306 yards for Atlanta? How does that happen against a sound defensive team like Tampa Bay? Does this conclude the JV-portion of the Chargers' schedule? Is that if for the Carolina Super Bowl dreams? Are the Saints worth thinking about with Green Day and U2 coming into NOLA for the NFL return this week? Is Chad Pennington back? Should Patriots fans be worried? What are all those coaching dollars buying in D.C.? Have the Bengals evolved into well-rounded championship contender? Did we get ahead of ourselves with Nick Saban or is it all Daunte Culpepper's fault in Miami? Didn't Jon Gruden used to be an offensive genius? We still have a Monday night game to come with our two favorite teams: the Steelers and Jaguars! (Snore.)

This season is leaving me hungry, bro'. But not hungry enough to eat that fried mac and cheese I kept seeing all day on those network commercials. And enough already with the car crashes. Whose idea was that? So.... Everything except fried junk food is on the menu. Okay, fried Oreos are pretty good, we'll get us some of those with the powdered sugar, too. Unlike the arteries of most americans, the NFL in Week 2 is an open road. So take us where you please. Week 2 Breakfast is served.

From: "scott pianowski" <spianow@gmail.com>
Date: September 19, 2006 10:50:09 AM EDT
To: "Michael Salfino" <salfino@comcast.net>
Subject: world happiness dance

I'm glad you weren't at The Linc as Sunday's game was wrapping up. These are the streets of Philadelphia, bro; they take out a hot dog vendor and two security officers when the Eagles lose a preseason game.

Rex Grossman is playing better than anyone expected, though Detroit's grossly-overrated secondary helped him this week (they couldn't cover the lawn chairs in my backyard). Getting excited for the Bears-Vikings showdown? Okay, neither am I. But the division isn't a joke this time around.

I'll say this for Vick - this is the first time we've ever seen the Falcons put him in a Vick-friendly scheme. I can't see him riverdancing through the season, and that division, without a physical punishment coming, but it will make for some interesting video in the meantime. I'm getting a little sick of the "wow, Warrick Dunn is good" stories because he's been doing it for such a long time. Being late to the party on a story doesn't make it a new thing.

If I can get five cents for every blathering mention of "Vick" and "Bush" in next Monday's telecast, I'll start building my dream house in October. It seemed like the ESPN trio had a bad game last night, perhaps because Bronko Nagurski and Jim Thorpe couldn't put up any touchdowns. Then again I had an obstructed view of the field - the ESPN game box was in my way all night.

Tampa Bay and Carolina meet in the "someone is going to be 0-3" bowl this weekend. I like John Fox a lot but his special-teams giveaway was shocking. Jake Delhomme has clearly lost his Mojo without Steve Smith on the outside. It's a shame they're not going to DeAngelo Williams immediately, he's their best back. Jon Gruden wants to fire himself for believing in Chris Simms, you can just tell. Is "batted down pass" in the Tampa Bay playbook?

Speaking of playbooks, how long should it realistically take the Lions and Redskins to adjust to their complicated new offenses? Does it matter anyway? Mark Brunell has to be the oldest 36-year-old quarterback ever. Jon Kitna can't consistently make the intermediate and deep throws a Mike Martz offense calls for. When Kit and I spoke to the mortgage people, I tried to put up my "Redskins-under" season play as collateral.

The Patriots have three major concerns as I see it, the wideouts, a secondary that's allergic to tackling, and a pesky division that's been tougher than advertised (Buffalo is a poor man's version of Jacksonville, a physical, frustrating-to-play team). The Dolphins will be okay so long as they don't actually think Daunte Culpepper can win games for them (he clearly needs to be managed). Saban and the schedule will still get this team to nine or ten wins. The Jets will be competitive so long as Chad Pennington can stay on the field, but if he gets hurt, change the channel. I don't see any reason why the Patriots don't win the division, though. Tom Brady's final drive Sunday was a thing of beauty, and the New England front seven is going to abuse most of the offensive lines on the schedule.

I thought the Bengals had passed the Steelers when they took them down in Pittsburgh early last December (a game that was one of the forgotten gems of the 2005 season). The Steelers enjoyed ramming that in my face for the next two months. Now Cincinnati gets another chance to do make the statement, in Heinz Field, against a battered and bruised bunch. But desperation is a great motivator . . .

It's impossible to know how good the Chargers really are (slow down, Peter King) because the Raiders and Titans truly are horrendous. San Diego could easily lose to Baltimore and Pittsburgh in Weeks 4-5, and as much as I love the Charger front seven (it's a lot more than Shawne Merriman, too), the secondary will be exposed by good offenses, and we still don't know who Philip Rivers is yet.

It's a good thing I don't do a "media watch" blog because I'd never stop ranting. When's the last time ESPN or the NFL Network hired a football analyst you liked? If it's not Ron Jaworski or NFL Films on the ESPN airwaves, I just change the channel, and there are so many things fundamentally wrong with NFL Network, I wouldn't know where to start. It should be a great channel, and it's not even close.

I miss Point After, the highlight show NFL Network used to run late on Sunday nights: understated, no-screaming highlights along with post-game interview clips. It was a perfect way to exit the Sunday and now it's gone. They have a show with the same title running on Mondays now, but the press conferences are filled with too many dry injury notes and don't have the same "game just ended" zing to them. Darren Horton actually does a decent job hosting that show, but Jim Mora is hit-or-miss on the commentary (man, do I miss *his* press conferences.)

Speed round, special ranting edition: Billy Joel called, he wants his Chevy back . . . One of these days the league will stop giving us the same teams in stand-alone prime-time games for consecutive weeks. Let someone else have the stage. If I see the Steelers or Redskins on this Monday I'm taking a hostage . . . If the Fox fantasy ticker at halftime gets any smaller, it's a subliminal message . . . Other than the invisible pass rush and the overrated secondary and the useless LaVar Arrington, I like this Giants defense . . . If the Jags and Steelers hadn't taxed me so much, maybe I would have caught that Dodgers-Padres finish later Monday. It's a good thing no one in San Diego cares that much about any sports team, because if an east coast team lost a game that way, people would be bridge jumping.

Pay that toll on the Throgs Neck and get back to me.

From: Michael Salfino <salfino@comcast.net>
Date: September 19, 2006 6:11:19 PM EDT
To: scott pianowski <spianow@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: world happiness dance

Plax was on the back page of the Daily News with his eyes closed as that game-winning TD hit him squarely on the wrist (but he cradled it). Let's think of a negative way to spin this because we both hate Plax.

The problem with the Eagles is they have Step 1 set, which is "beat the opponent with the passing game." Step 2 is where they have problems: "beat the clock with the running game." When you're down like that, everything has to break your way and it did for the G-men. But there are lots of problems here. This is in no way a Super Bowl team right now, for the reasons you note. Giants fans were talking here Monday about "Giant Pride." Please. That's luck. The Plax Holy Roller? Come on. And how do you get Manning sacked all those times in the first half?

I am excited about the Bears-Vikings. I love the Bears now that they're playing the right way. You can tell just looking at them that they at least look special. And I'm happy to note that they're getting outgained per rush 4.0 to 2.8, which is huge deficit. Of course, it doesn't matter when you're averaging over 10 yards per attempt SACK ADJUSTED and stuff other teams passing attack. The Vikings are too conservative. They're going to burn out Chester Taylor. The Vikings were almost as lucky as the Eagles were unlucky, but the Panthers hit the self-destruct button with Fox's incomprehensibly bad decision. I don't want to overstate this, but it was maybe the worst single in-game coaching decision that I've ever seen. Dominating the game. Julius Peppers simply cannot be blocked. Up by seven and getting the ball with seven minutes left. And you lateral the punt? Upside, downside calculation please. That was far, far worse than The Fumble. And that was a huge loss. When you're 0-2 with a home loss you can pretty much forget about making the playoffs, let alone getting a bye.

I've seen enough of Brunell. He couldn't make the 11-to-20 yard throws last year. He's lost that functional arm strength that's so important. What's up with Jason Campbell? I guess he's a bust.

Nine or 10 wins for the Dolphins? I don't see that. They're beating New England? That's two losses. At Buffalo? Unlikely. Give them a split with the Jets (the over/under right now with Man-genius getting a bigger brain every week) and that's six losses. At Chicago? At Indy (maybe the Colts don't care by then)? Jacksonville? They're lucky to finish 8-8.

I'm totally with you on the Chargers and Rivers. They've proved nothing against the J.V. portion of the schedule. I'm looking twice before I leap again with this team.

I thought I was flat-lining throughout that Steelers-Jaguars game. No surprise, of course. But now we find out that Ben Roethlisberger was playing with a 104-degree fever? Why. Let him recover. Rest him up for this week's game, which is must. You can afford to lose a road game outside of your division with Charlie Batch.

Just to prove I'm more anti-innovation than anti-running game, I like what the Falcons are doing with that Texas shotgun. I can see Vince Young watching that and saying to Chow: "Hello! That's my offense, bro'. Why don't we run THAT?" But Dunn is doing what anyone could do right now. Thsoe holes are a joke. Jerious Norwood is averaging more per carry.

The NFL Network has too many players and ex-players. Who gives a crap about these guys? When you're out of the uniform, we don't care about you. When you're out of it for good, nothing you say holds interests until you prove othewise. Marshall Faulk? Terrell Davis? Eddie George?There's no there there. Give us some ex-coaches and GMs at least. Do with the pros what Mike Mayock does with the prospects before the draft. Or find better ex-players with some real insight and communication skills.

Hey, is this the one week we both root big-time for the Colts? Why do we hate Del Rio so?

From: "scott pianowski" <spianow@gmail.com>
Date: September 20, 2006 8:03:34 AM EDT
To: "Michael Salfino" <salfino@comcast.net>
Subject: Re: world happiness dance

As great as the Bears have looked, this is really San Diego east (slow down, Peter King). Why does beating the Lions (their pass protection was embarrassing) or Packers mean anything? Minnesota provides a much better test; the Vikings defense can actually stop teams, and Minnesota's offense won't beat itself with negative plays (a big thing in the sack-happy world we live in). This should be anyone's game entering the fourth quarter.

If the Redskins could get Mark Brunell's experience crammed into Jason Campbell's head, maybe they'd have a shot. The Al Saunders playbook is like War and Peace. The lesson to keep in mind for next year - when an offense struggles during the preseason as it learns a new, complicated scheme, expect the problems to carry over into September. We've seen this with the Redskins, Lions, and the Rams too (keep sharp items away from the Marc Bulger owners).

You're selling Miami way too short, Jersey (your man Zimmerman had them in the Super Bowl two weeks ago). There's no reason they can't split with this version of the Patriots. The secondary has some hiccups but I really like the front seven. It might take a while but Chris Chambers and Daunte Culpepper will eventually get on the same page (Chambers was open last week, Culpepper wasn't able to find him). I still think Ronnie Brown can be special. You say eight wins if they're lucky, I'll take the over (when it comes to over/unders in the BT, you don't want to mess with me). The schedule got kind to them at the right time.

I'd love to see more ex-scouts and ex-GMs on the networks (I was wearing black when the always-tremendous Randy Mueller left ESPN to work for the Dolphins). I can only imagine how bad the ex-jocks who don't get hired must be.

Tennessee should just give Vince Young the keys to the offense right now and let him get his feet wet. Gotta love the Titans, the team that locked out McNair, wouldn't draft Leinart, then had to have Collins 15 minutes before the opener. If I'm Billy Volek, I'd rather mop floors in San Diego than play quarterback in Tennessee.

It's always a contrast of styles when the Colts and Jags play, the Manning ballet against the kick-you-in-the-teeth Road House boys of Del Rio. This is the type of team the Colts hate to play against, but Indy gets them at home and on a short work week. Plus, for real, this is the year Manning tears up the league for four months, then continues in January. I never trust the Jags when they fall behind (I'll conveniently forget what happened two weeks ago; that was basically a Drew Bledsoe gift to the house anyway). Colts by at least seven.

Speed-round: You know I'm not big on Burress, but he's made big plays two weeks in a row. We've never seen him do it consistently for a full year, but I need to cut him some slack . . . Most underrated ESPN talent: Chris Fowler, Dan Schulman, Michael Kim, Brian Kenney, Steve Levy. I'm also a big Kenny Mayne fan . . . I get the idea Michigan will be the last state to see a public smoking ban. My mind loves the sports bar on a Sunday, my lungs don't . . . Morten Andersen to the Falcons? Jan Stenrud wasn't available? . . . I'm not sure if Correll Buckhalter has made it all of the way back, but the Eagles need to find out. Otherwise, closing games out, as you noted, is going to be a season-long problem.

From: Michael Salfino <salfino@comcast.net>
Date: September 20, 2006 9:48:26 AM EDT
To: scott pianowski <spianow@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: world happiness dance

I think we can agree that the Bears defense is legitimate. So now you're only looking at their opponent's defense when trying to measure it. The Lions have played twice and held the Seahawks to no TDs in one game. I can't say Detroit's defense is a joke and performance against it is to be discarded. And the Packers were average against the pass last year by some metrics (although TD passes allowed wasn't one of them, I'll grant you). I do agree the Vikings are the better test. But I think the new-look Bears will wax them easy if they continue to use the running game as a decoy for generating explosive plays in the passing game.

Look, you've been very right about the Redskins. But it's dangerous to take the preseason seriously. And the Niners didn't do squat in those most important preseason games (the two middle ones), were implementing a new system and yet have been very solid thus far offensively during the regular season.

The Vince Young thing is interesting. Wonderlic scores aside, Young has proven to be a cool customer under immense pressure. But maybe that grew out of a sense of confidence that would be shaken if exposed too early to the NFL. Or maybe he's unshakable mentally, too. We have no idea of knowing, but I'd sure make every effort to find out if it was my investment to protect and decision to make. My guess is that this player can handle it. But if you're wrong and you end up cracking that Super Fly persona, you may lose a lot of what made Young so great in college. Then, you have to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

I'm worried about the Colts pass defense. David Carr sort of lit them up last week, but there was a lot of garbage-time to factor into those numbers. Indy struggles against the Jaguars in Indy, losing to them here in '04 and scoring just 10 points last year in a game that Manning sort of sleepwalked through (122 passing yards). But then Peyton ripped the Jags to shreds at Jacksonville (300-plus yards and a couple of TD passes). Career wise against Jacksonville, Manning has 19 TDs and just five picks. So, the Colts comfortably has some support. Deep down, though, I just expect the Jaguars to ugly up everyone.

Didn't Plax start out on fire last year before disappearing after Halloween like the Great Pumpkin?

Morten Andersen is just another tough name to remember how to spell. I want all those guys to retire and stay retired. I guess he's the Julio Franco of the NFL now. But how much leg does he have left? And this is a team that's going to need to kick a lot of field goals because the Texas shotgun doesn't work when you get inside the 20 and the defense has less field to protect.

I watched that Giants-Eagles game again, well, as much as I could because the Short Cut cut short the OT. What's that about NFL/DirecTV? I didn't like what I saw out of McNabb. He didn't keep his cool when some jawing and shoving broke out. QBs need to stay above the fray. And he was snapping the ball with nine or ten seconds left on the play clock near the end. That's just not having your head in the game. The amazing thing about that game is that the Giants punted from the Eagles 47 with 6:16 left on fourth and seven down 10. How stupid was that? Dennis Green did something similar in the playoffs against the Giants one year and managed to win in incredibly lucky fashion, too.

And I know that some people don't believe in luck. It's the residue of hard work and design, yada, yada, yada. But this is what the winners say. The losers know better.

From: "scott pianowski" <spianow@gmail.com>
Date: September 20, 2006 10:45:01 AM EDT
To: "Michael Salfino" <salfino@comcast.net>
Subject: Re: world happiness dance

You're defending the Packers pass defense? I see you skipped the New Orleans-Green Bay short cut this week. Maybe you're on a weekly cut count. At what point do most of 2005's stats become irrelevant anyway?

I wish I had a solid read on Grossman right now, I really don't. He's working with some nice targets, sure, but trust me when I say the Detroit back seven can't cover anyone (post-cut I realize it's not just the secondary - Desmond Clark was open all day last week). If the Seahawks had a full complement of guys the week before, they would have made a bunch of downfield connections too. Teams will struggle to run the ball on Detroit, but the Lions will have problems against the pass all year. I'm glad I wasn't in the room as Rod Marinelli looked at the horror film from Chicago.

I think you're partially right on the Niners - I don't think their camp was as messy as you do. Yes, Alex Smith had a couple of terrible games, but Frank Gore looked great all summer (maybe that's why our man Ferris was so high on him), and Antonio Bryant showed flashes (at one point mid-August I said on another website that he'd impressed me more than any other skill player in the league). The clues were there, it's up to us to find them and interpret them. (Anyone who missed the clues on Washington must be wearing a throwback Riggins shirt and singing "Hail to the Redskins" every Sunday. This team looks done like dinner.)

The Texans had seven first downs and three points through three quarters last week. Big deal. Once the score is 30-3, I'm not sure anything else really matters. If you want to take Gary Coleman and his three amigos on the outside, that's your business. Leftwich is going to have some problems with that molasses-slow release, which reminds me of the broken-down batting machines I used to hit against as a kid.